Thinking
by Crazyaniknowit
Summary: "She knows she's been in an intimate relationship with Levi for years, at least a little less than a decade. She can't really believe it's been so long, or that their relationship ever started at all." Hanji's thoughts and memories of her and Levi's developing relationship over the years. Rated M. Romance. Humor. Fluff. Lemon. Multichapter
1. Chapter 1

**Oh goodness, Levihan! My #2 OTP forever, I have decided to write yet another story for you. Though it won't be very consistent, it could maybe even be considered as a drabble collection, though I wager this isn't drabble, as its a little too long.**

 **Anywho, enjoy, review, etc.**

 **Rated M for explicit sexual circumstances.**

 **Summary: Hanji looks back on the beginnings of her relationship with Levj.**

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Hanji sighs as she closes her book and leans back against the window-seat wall. She watches the rain fall and breathes the freshening air, sometimes it's good to take a break from her research and just read a nice novel. She runs her fingers over the worn leather binding, pausing when she hears Levi in the shower. She knows she's been in an intimate relationship with Levi for years, at least a little less than a decade. She can't really believe it's been so long, or that their relationship ever started at all. She remembers the first time he ever showed any interest in her. She never expected it, to be honest, and granted, while he is a very handsome man, she had never considered him in that light before. He was too short, too silent, too apathetic for her tastes at first. And he tended to focus his germaphobic tendencies on her, because she ' _smelled like an ass_ ' or something along those lines.

But she remembers how, over time, his demeanor changed ever so slightly. He had seemed kinder, nice even, and she noticed she caught him staring rather often. At first it made her feel self-conscious. After all, she never felt she was an attractive woman, not even as a young girl. Despite her fanciful upbringing in Wall Sina, she was as tomboyish as they came, the exact opposite of feminine. So much so, most men assumed she was a boy, and girls would flirt with her even.

At that she started growing her rather short hair out, and she tried to look more feminine to garner some masculine attention. Not that she would have minded the girl's attention if she truly were a man, but as a woman, she just didn't swing _that_ way.

She was never well-endowed in the feminine department either, and she remembers with a grimace how she even padded her bras to make her breasts bigger. And how embarrassed she always felt in the female showers. She would often hear whispers from her fellow trainees, speaking of how strange she was, how weird she looked. She basically learned over her teenage years that she was not very desirable. Even when she tried to flirt or be feminine, men didn't truly acknowledge her, so she gave up trying altogether.

Now, when she noticed Levi's stares, it got her thinking. He wouldn't just silently if he had a problem with how she looked. After all, if he had something to say about what he disliked in her appearance, he would say it. He was blunt like that, never holding back when something bothered him. Especially when it came to his squad-mates. But the fact that he never spoke to her when she caught him looking naturally caused her to wonder. And she remembers when she confronted him about it like it was yesterday. The conversation is so permanently etched in her mind...

•

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She squirms in her seat, not entirely comfortable, as she can feel his gaze even when she's not looking up to meet it. She's glad they are alone at the moment, though she wonders what he's doing in the library? She can't focus on her book, the words blur and fuse together, even with her glasses on. She groans and pulls the offending accessory from her face, resolving to rub her temples in a measly attempt to soothe her irritation.

She peers over her fingers, subtly enough that she believes he hasn't noticed she's looking at him too. "What the hell are you staring at, Shorty?" she grumbles under her breath. Unfortunately for her, the library is - of course - quiet, and her voice carries rather well amongst the empty space between them.

"Shorty?" he asks incredulously. She raises a brow and pulls her hand from her face to look at him when he shifts in place. "Don't call me that, and I'm not staring." she hears him murmur back.

"Bullshit." she scolds, "You've been staring at me every time I'm in the same room with you. Don't you dare try to deny it! It's driving me nuts! Can't you just say what's on your mind and move on?" she's standing now, hands planted on the reading desk before her, her chest heaving. She can't help it, it's true when she says he's been annoying her, and all her frustration over her innermost thoughts on the matter can finally pour out now. So by Jove she will speak her mind, damn whatever consequences or backlash the Shorty can repay her with.

It's his turn to raise a brow now, and he puts whatever book he may have been fishing for down. "Tell me, Shitty-Glasses-" he begins, and she rolls her eyes at the name, "-is it now considered rude to admire a woman?" he asks.

She's taken aback, quite literally, as she steps back once or twice and narrows her brow in confusion. "Huh?" she had never imagined he would say that. Well, okay...granted, an attraction to her being the cause of his ogling _has_ crossed her mind. But she can't truly believe it, and to hear him actually say it, she just isn't prepared.

"You heard me." he says nonchalantly as he moves to peer at the books again.

She gapes, unable to speak. For one, her heart is pounding in a way she's never felt before. A man has never, ever payed attention to her, let alone be so blunt. She doesn't know what to say, she doesn't know what to _do_. What can she say? She doesn't exactly think she admires him...wait...does she? Okay, she can admit that he's a remarkably handsome man, despite his shortcomings. She bites her lip and looks down at her twiddling fingers, "You... _admire_ me?" she asks.

He pauses, and she wonders if he's as nervous as she is. Most likely so, after all, he doesn't seem like much of a romantic, and she doubts he's had much experience with women. Unless he isn't what he seems in that regard, which is honestly rather likely. "You're very unique." he interrupts her train of thought, "I don't think I've ever seen another girl who looks like you before. Or talks like you for that matter." She blushes and bites her lip again at that. He looks down at the book he's been fiddling with, "But I'm not good with words." he concludes.

She smiles, and she wipes at her eyes when she feels tears well up.

"What the hell are you crying for?" he asks, his expression dull, per the norm. But she can see an underlying concern in his steely eyes.

"Sorry..it's just, nobody has ever said something like that to me before. I always thought I was kind of...ugly." she explains, sniffling slightly, and she jumps when a handkerchief is thrust into her face. "Thanks." she takes it carefully, and her fingers tingle with another new sensation when they brush against his. A sensation that sends jolts of electricity up her arm and makes her heart pound so fast she fears he'll hear it.

He hums, looking to the side with a sigh, "That's not to say you don't drive me insane. You may be attractive, but you sure as hell can be annoying in your own right." he says as he crosses his arms.

She scoffs with a smile, leave it to Levi to insult her and compliment her at the same time. Granted, she knows he seems to think _people_ are annoying as a whole, so she doesn't really feel insulted anyway. "You're not so bad, yourself, Levi." she murmurs, and hands his kerchief back to him.

"Keep it, I don't want it after you've soiled it." he says, wrinkling his nose in distaste.

She smiles and tucks it in her pocket, "You're _so sweet_." she says sarcastically, and he scoffs.

"Tch...whatever, Shitty-Glasses." he says as he turns on his heel to leave.

"You know-" she halts him, and he turns to look over his shoulder, "-now that I know...I don't really mind if you admire me. Or, or _more_...even." she twiddles her fingers and glances up at him through her lashes. His face is blank, and he blinks slowly at her. She bites her lip, regret flooding her mind, _'Shit! Shit...he doesn't like me, he just thinks I'm attractive, that's all he was saying. He doesn't have to like me to think I'm pretty! I'm reading too much into it, as usual.'_ she rants to herself.

"Okay." he says, and she looks at his retreating form in surprise as he walks out the door.

She sits down and blinks, the reality of what just transpired hitting her. She has absolutely no idea where this ' _relationship_ ' (if one could even call it that) will even go, if they actually get into a relationship of any type at all. But she can't help but feel this is the rough start of something beautiful.

•

•

And she was right, but granted, she remembers how nothing really changed after that. Levi was the same, she was the same, the only difference being they might have flirted every now and again. She also remembers considering how she felt about that grumpy, emotionless shorty. She hadn't really thought about it, but aside from his undeniably handsome persona, he wasn't exactly very lovable. At least, at first anyway. She thinks she only gave it a chance because he was the first male to ever pay attention to her in that way.

Gradually, things became strained between them, but not in a bad way. In fact, it was a different kind of strain, a good strain. One could call it tension, even. She remembers how she'd feel feverish when she thought about him, or how her body would tingle when he ' _accidentally_ ' brushed past her in the halls. She wondered if he could sense it too? She had this strong urge to be close to him, and she was always fretting about her appearance when he was around.

She supposes it was only natural that the tension between them would need to be addressed, but she never really knew how to address it. She remembers when they finally crossed a line together, finally took a step towards some inkling of a relationship. After that, she realized it was sexual tension that she was feeling. And judging by how he behaved, he was feeling it too.

•

•

Of all the places, she never expected they would act on those tensions here. But when time seems to come to a grinding halt in the washroom, she knows it's likely inevitable. She probably left the door unlocked, and she thinks he probably thought no one was in here. So now, here she is, her towel barely draped over her necessities, and entirely uncertain of what to do. He raises a brow and appraises her form, gaze slowly sweeping her body. While she finds the appreciative ogle to be most flattering, she is too flustered with his overwhelming presence to care. He puts his things down, and she yelps as her towel momentarily slips from her grasp.

"What are you doing?" he asks, and she gapes at him.

"Umm...I _showered_ , what does it look like?" she replies with a scoff, it's blatantly obvious, and as such, that was a stupid question.

"You didn't lock the door." he says.

Yet again, obvious. "It was an accident." she stresses, shifting uncomfortably as she holds the ends of the towel together over her chest. The cloth parts above her hip, and her attempts to hide her feminine areas only grant her intruder bigger eyefuls of her sun-darkened skin.

"I see." he murmurs.

He doesn't move, but she can see thoughts racing in his steely eyes, thoughts that are most obviously not innocent. The image she gets in her head of what he might be thinking make her blush, and she attempts to make her escape. "Well, I'll be more careful next time I shower, if it makes you feel any better. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to get dressed." she says as she attempts to walk past him.

Her skin brushes against his shirt, and she suppresses a shudder when her sensitive nerves recognize the contours of his toned skin beneath the thin material. "You're leaving in just a towel?" he grips her arm to keep her from exiting the bathroom.

She feels a whine of desperation building in her throat, but she swallows it down. "My room is two doors down." she explains, and she turns to look at him. She gulps when his alluring gaze meets hers, and she licks her lips in her nervousness. His gaze flicks to the movement and she ponders what he's thinking at that very second. Considering her own dark, barely-suppressed thoughts, it's no doubt something lecherous. "Can...can you let go of my arm?" she asks, and his fingers flex around the thin appendage in response.

"Okay." he says, but he doesn't let go, his gaze still burrowing into her skin, and she feels her cheeks bloom in color.

"Levi..." she lets out that whine she held back earlier, and it has the opposite effect she was aiming for. She gasps as she's pinned against the wall before she can even fathom she's moved. She opens her mouth to retaliate to his brash action, but her words die in her throat when she sees his expression. He's not one to show emotion, so his shadowed, steely grey irises stun her momentarily. They are burning with a particular emotion she momentarily struggles to find a name for. But it soon comes to her, a word that makes heat pool in her stomach and her breath quicken: _desire_.

She can't deny that she wants this, hell, she fantasizes about things like this at night. And she sees this look on his face, like he _knows_ she's secretly hoping for something like this to happen. He doesn't say anything for a moment, but then his vice-like grip on her arm loosens, and he pulls back a little, "I don't know why I'm doing this." he says, looking down at seemingly nothing.

"And-" she licks her lips again, as they feel surprisingly dry already, "-what, exactly, _are_ you doing?" she breathes, and she finds her voice barely audible. It's actually difficult to breathe even, let alone speak.

He looks back up at her and she feels what little breath she has left hitch in her throat when he leans closer. "I don't really know _that_ either." his nose touches hers now, and she lets out a shuddering breath at his proximity. He stays for a moment, his warm breath brushing her parted, trembling lips. He suddenly blinks, as if a thought has crossed his mind, and he's no longer moving closer, "Do you _want_ this?" he asks.

She doesn't even process his words, all she knows is that she may go insane if he doesn't kiss her _right now._ To hell with her regrets, he can't get this close and _then_ decide to be a gentleman. Her hand slips around his neck and she pulls him forward that last, tiny inch she needs for them to touch. She is completely inexperienced, she has absolutely no idea what she's doing, but when his lips slant over hers, she knows she just did something _absolutely_ right. She feels him gasp into her mouth, and it sends pleasant shivers down her spine as she gives him a moan in return.

His grip on her wrist is suddenly gone, and his arms are around her torso, pulling her close as she can possibly be. Her back presses hard against the wall, and she hesitantly lifts a leg to hook around his waist. She both hears and feels his grunt when their cores connect, even just barely and through layers of clothing (on his part at least). His voice rumbles deep in his chest, and she moans again, desperate to feel as much as she can while this lasts. At the sound of her wanton noises he parts from her lips, and she jumps in his grasp when she realizes the towel is gone and his hands are caressing her bare back.

Her own hands come to rest on his shoulders as he kisses at her jaw, and she considers what they are doing. Granted, she just told herself to damn the consequences, but she is already a little uneasy. Despite how pleasurable this may be, she isn't exactly sure they should be moving so fast. Though, his words in the library come back to her, when he said he wasn't good with words. Perhaps, just perhaps, he is physically trying to convey what he wants to say right now, as he can't find the words for it. And she knows herself that it's hard to figure out what to say in this circumstance, she _has_ tried to talk to him after all.

Maybe this is the best way to go, for both of them. Jumping into the physical relationship may not be ideal, but it might just give them the closeness they need to be open with one another. He sure as hell isn't an open person by nature. And neither is she.

His lips are on her neck now, and she gasps when she feels his teeth lightly graze the skin there, followed by the warm, wet stroke of his tongue. And _oh God_ he's sucking there. His hand is inching up her side, dangerously close to her meager breast. Her chest heaves with her sharp inhale, and she's feeling a little overwhelmed by what he's doing. Granted, she loves what she is feeling, but if they don't stop, this is going to go somewhere she's not yet ready for it to go. "Levi..." she breathes, "Levi, wait...wait stop." she says, and he pauses his ministrations to her neck.

She feels her cheeks burn when he moves to look at her, and she can't bring herself to meet his questioning gaze as she explains her hesitance. "Sorry. Y-You didn't do anything wrong." she assures, "I'm just...scared, I've never done anything like this before." she pulls her hands back from his shoulders to cover her chest before he can peer at it.

He's silent for a long, agonizing minute as he thinks about her words, and her anxiety grows with each second. He looks at her eyes, downwards, and back again before he pulls back from her exposed form. "You're right." he says, at which she sighs in relief, "I think that was pushing it. I'll go slower next time."

She looks up at him then, next time? "Next time?" she asks aloud as a small, timid smile spreads on her lips, and she clutches her chest more securely.

He crouches and hands her-her towel, which she takes graciously, and he turns away, grabbing his own showering supplies on his way out. "I don't think I can bring myself to leave this as a one-time occurrence, Hanji." he says at the door.

She gapes as she watches him go, and lets out a strangled gasp once the door swings shut. She exhales deeply as she slides down the wall to sit on the floor. Her knees feel so weak after their exchange, and she has this strange sense of excitement, knowing that this isn't the only time this will happen. Plus, he said her name...he's never said her name before, it was always ' _Squad Leader_ ' or ' _Shitty-Glasses_ '. A smile tugs at her lips, and she makes to get dressed, her heart pounds in what she hopes is love. She can't believe it was the shorty of all people, but she knows she's certainly not just infatuated. She's _spellbound_ , if not in love.

•

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Looking back on it, it makes her smile, she had absolutely no idea what had started that day. And while their relationship sure hit a lot of bumps, due to their rather abrupt, highly-physical beginning, she wouldn't change it for the world. Arguments and difficulties aside, they've really grown, developed their feelings, and found a home in one another.

She knows it took a while for him to be open with her, in fact, he wasn't open with his thoughts and feelings until they had been intimate for over a year. He didn't even say _'I love you._ ' until a few months after that. While she, on the other hand, had those words dangling on the tip of her tongue long before that. Although she knows that while he may not have said it before then, she could feel it in his demeanor after a while. His vocal confirmation was only an added bonus in her opinion. Granted, it sure felt nice to hear him say that, and she thinks that was the most passionate night of any of their exchanges that she can remember to date.

Thinking of _passionate exchanges_ , she remembers their first, the day she finally let him take her. She sometimes wishes she had done it sooner, because _damn_ , he sure as hell didn't let her regret that decision! It's the best choice she's ever made.

•

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He most certainly doesn't leave this new development alone. While her resolve is strong, he makes it hard to say no to going all the way. She supposes there really is no reason to admonish herself for caving. After all, what with his talented lips, hands, and tongue, she's certain she can't hold out much longer. And of course, she's right yet again.

In the end, it's only a few weeks of passionate, stolen kisses and curious, intimate touches before she can't bring herself to resist his invitations anymore. She soon finds - while he has her roughly pressed up against a wall yet again - that she _wants_ this to continue. She _wants_ to take that step, cross the line she never imagined crossing with _him_ of all people. She knows she'll have to ask him to continue, as he's gotten so used to her stopping his tantalizing advance on her body that he often stops _himself_ now.

She moans quietly when his mouth moves along her neck, and she clutches his dark hair tightly between her fingers as he leaves a love mark on her skin. He's already stopping, she can feel his lips slow and his body still in anticipation for her inevitable request that he cease. She can't let that happen this time, and she keeps him there by wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. She hasn't done this since the very first time, and she gasps as she presses their cores together.

She hears his surprised grunt and her cheeks bloom with color when he looks at her, gauging her intentions. "Hanji?" he prods, and she feels so shy now. Granted, she doesn't know how she can feel anything _but_ shy, she's never done this before, asking or initiating, take your pick.

"Levi-" she begins, and she bites her lip just as soon as the name leaves her tongue. "-I think that...um...I might be _ready?_ " she feels mortified when her voice breaks on that last syllable, sounding a small squeak that echoes in the hall.

He stares at her, considering, and she feels his hands shift in uncertainty against her back. "Are you sure?" he asks, his lips are back on her jawline, barely touching as he makes his way to her ear, "Because there's no going back after this." his voice is husky, smooth, and the very sound of it incites euphoria that makes her shudder under his touch. "So tell me for sure, Hanji...yes or no?" his lips brush the shell of her ear and she bites her lip to hold her wanton whine back.

Oh, there's no way in hell she's _not_ ready now. He can be drop-dead-sexy when he wants to, and she doesn't think she's ever been more aroused. Though she does put on a show of thinking, she doesn't want him to feel like she's rushing. "Yes." she finally whispers, and she has only seconds to register that she has been pried from his body and is being pulled down the hall. She's never been in his room before, but, as she expected, it's spotless, and the sight makes her scoff inwardly. Granted, she's peeked inside but she's never taken one step past that imaginary line for fear of the Shorty's wrath. She gasps as she is promptly pushed against the door, forcing the wooden structure shut with a bang that she is sure echoes in the hall.

His roving hands curb any thoughts towards whether or not somebody heard, as they are now under her shirt, caressing her skin and leaving a fiery sensation billowing in their wake. His lips are slanted over hers, tongue prying deeply into her mouth to elicit pleading moans from her. She feels her breath hitch when his hand slides beneath her bra, and she arches into his touch when the rough, calloused pads of his fingers brush over her nipple.

He pulls back to look at her disheveled appearance, all the while still massaging her soft breast. Her lips are swollen just slightly, parted to allow her panting, and her eyes are lidded as she looks up at him with shadowy, hazel eyes through her lashes. Her flushed cheeks take on a darker tone when he pulls his hand back from under her clothing to unbutton her shirt. And she gives a nervous giggle when he pushes both the shirt and jacket down her arms.

Her hands move to his own shirt as soon as she's free of hers, and he scoffs as she fiddles for the buttons. He pushes her shaking hands back and simply pulls the shirt over his head, jacket, cravat and all, tossing it aside. She blushes again and smiles as she bites her lip, he's quite a sight after all, and no woman in her right mind wouldn't swoon over his chiseled figure. His skin flinches under her hand when she flattens her palm against his chest, and he pulls her close enough to kiss her again.

She follows his lead when he spins her around and walks her backwards until the backs of her knees hit the bed. She yelps into his mouth when she falls backwards, and she chuckles until he's undone her bra and covered one peak with his hot mouth. At that she moans and her back arches upwards, her hand buries itself in his hair to hold him in place while he swirls his tongue around and lightly tugs on the bud of her breast with his teeth. Granted, laying on her back her chest is nearly flat, but with the attentions he is lavishing upon her, she can hardly bring herself to care anymore.

She feels warm, feverish even, and she has this now-familiar ache in her core that begs to be relieved. His leg shifts between her thighs, and she writhes as he moves to suck at her collarbone. In her need for friction down there, she gyrates her hips against his leg, gasping at the pleasure and relief she achieves. His hand moves to still her hips though, and he utters, for the first time of many in their relationship, a word that she will come to both love and hate.

"Patience, Hanji." he says, sitting back to admire her for a moment.

She whines a throaty moan, her chest heaves and her hands grip the pillow above her head. Her hair is falling out of its ponytail, and he determines he'll have it completely down and strewn around her like a halo by the time he's done. Despite her rather small assets, he finds she is most attractive like this, and he could spend hours simply ravishing her bare torso. But there's no time for that, he hooks his thumbs under the hem of her pants, pulling down slowly. He hears her breath speed up, sees her hands clench in the fabric she's holding out of the corner of his eye.

She holds her feet up one at a time so he can slip the final piece of clothing off her body with ease. Her gaze goes to the ceiling, as she doesn't need to see him study her appearance, she can feel it well enough. His hands rest upon her hips, and her breath hitches as he slides them down to cup her thighs gently. His lips touch her abdomen, and she shudders under him, a spike of pulsing warmth flooding her core. One of his hands glides upwards on her inner thigh, and her breath quickens yet again as he nears her.

His body is hovering over hers again and his lips are on her jaw when his calloused fingers make contact. She doesn't think the sound she makes is even _human_ , and he covers her mouth with his own to muffle her pleasured cry. She screws her eyes shut and focuses on how magnificent his fingers feel, rubbing up and down through her folds, and brushing against the swollen bundle of nerves there. Her hips rise and fall to meet his strokes, and she moans into his mouth when he slips a finger inside.

She can't help but break the kiss to throw her head back and cry out, continuing to do so afterwards despite his hushing and finger pressed against her lips. " _Levi..._ " she moans, her voice laced with an underlying plea for him to finish his foreplay faster. He complies, thank God, and she's soon writhing under him yet again as she nears her breaking point. She arches up against him, feeling his warm, bare chest against her own when the dam breaks and she's riding waves of pleasure.

She gasps as her muscles give out, and her chest heaves with each breath as she comes down from her glorious high. At his movement she glances down in time to see him clean his fingers with his tongue. The sight makes her moan with need, and her toes tug at his pants insistently. The look he gives her through his lashes makes her feel like she could cum again just from that steely gaze.

She bites her lip when he shimmies his pants away, and she can't really bring herself to look away when he's as bare as she is. She studies the contours of his body most appreciatively, her cheeks practically lighting aflame when she peers lower than the tantalizing 'V' of his abdomen. Despite his short stature, he makes up for it down below, albeit not abnormally large. A fact she is pleased with. He moves to hover above her yet again, and she exhales in a shudder when he parts her thighs as far as they will go.

He pauses, and she hears him inhale deeply, his brow furrowed and his lips parted as he seemingly prepares himself. To be honest, he looks as though he might be as nervous as she is. Something she knows isn't likely, but it still appears to be the case. She moves to wrap her arms around his neck, hesitating only once before she pulls him in for a surprisingly chaste joining of their lips. Her legs tug him forward, and both let out a gasp when the motion causes friction in their most intimate places.

He pulls back from her lips to look down and align himself. She takes a deep breath, her heart pounding as she stares at the ceiling in wait. Her fingers fist in his hair as her folds part for the length of him, he inhales sharply. She grits her teeth, she wasn't exactly expecting this much discomfort, but she doesn't want to show how much it stings. In case he decides to stop.

She hears his labored breathing as he hilts, and she lets out the breath she didn't know she was holding as his movement stops. Her muscles loosen in relief, besides her thighs that is, which remain tensed around his waist. She blinks her watery eyes and looks up at her lover, who returns her gaze most intently. She sighs as his hand gently brushes against her stiff leg, "Relax, Hanji." he says, in that usual, monotone voice he always speaks in.

Although his touch indeed helps her to relax, she's quickly frustrated over the fact that he can behave so calmly while she is somewhat overwhelmed. "I _am_ relaxed." she says, and she grunts when he moves just barely.

"No, you're _not_." his murmurs, lips brushing over her jaw, chin, cheek, even her nose and eyelids. She hums appreciatively at the gentle contact. "Remember, I can stop at anytime." he adds, pecking her lips just once. She releases a shuddering breath and wills her body to slacken just a little more. She fights the urge to stiffen again when he pulls back and pushes back in. The friction is both painful and pleasurable, as if her body can't decide between the two. Either way, the sensation causes her to moan and claw at his back, and she hears a light hiss from him when her nails scrape against his sculpted skin.

He's going rather slow, gentle even, and over the course of a minute she decides that, while pleasurable, slow is just not her cup of tea. "L-Levi?" she gasps, and he slows even more to pay attention to her. "No, don't stop!" she practically yelps, and she almost wants to giggle when he jumps in surprise. "Just go...go faster?" she asks.

He scoffs, but he also concedes to her wishes, "Okay." he says breathlessly before he shifts to a more comfortable position above her body. She arches backwards and cries out when he starts thrusting harder and more swiftly. Her already exhausted arms drop to her sides to curl into fists with each of his thrusts. And when she's not gasping or moaning she's listening to his short, labored breaths beside her ear.

She rather likes it, the sound of him making an effort to pleasure her and himself. And she thinks it's foolish of her to find it endearing, foolish to think he might have feelings for her just because he's doing this. After all, not everyone does this because they are in love. For all she knows, it could be a one-night tryst, and he'll be back to his distant, cold, silent self that he used to be.

She frowns when the thought crosses her mind, even as he pants in her ear and presses shaky kisses to her neck. She wonders if that's truly the case, but at that she also ponders why he'd coax her into this over the course of nearly a month if he is just after a single fling. She's somewhat reassured at that thought, after all, he hides it well, but she suspects him to be as new to this as she is.

She hears a grunt from him, and she's snapped out of her reverie just in time to feel him release. She gasps and bucks her hips up to meet him as he hilts for the last time. She doesn't climax again, but she doesn't really care, this feels just as good. His arms quiver on either side of her, and she's there to catch him when his shaking arms give out, her hands lightly roaming his sweaty back as he pants against her neck.

She blinks a few times to process the fact that she's just slept with her comrade...not just that, she also gave him her virginity in the process. She's not sure if she should feel happy or confused about this, perhaps a mixture of both will do. She listens to his breath quiet, and she lets out a whimper when he slides out of her. The complete fullness of having him inside her was rather comforting, but now that he's gone the pain she initially felt is back. Albeit not as pronounced as before. She shifts her legs and raises her hips just slightly to deal with her discomfort.

He sighs deeply and she watches appreciatively as his neck muscles tense, her cheeks warming as those steely eyes come back into view. There's not really any denying it now, and she decides she is perfectly happy she allowed this to happen. Because she has just accepted the fact that she: Hanji Zoë, is in love with this man. In love with short, irritable, emotionless, ruthless, germaphobic Levi. Despite how little she knows of his inner self, what he's thinking, or his dark past. She believed that she knows exactly who he is now, after all, they've been working together for a few years. She doesn't think it's too soon for her to feel or admit that to herself.

He breathes shakily as he kisses her one last time, and then he rolls to the side and lays flat on his back. She stays where she is, listening to both of their labored breaths and the sound of her beating heart. A heart which beats in both love and fear, knowing he absolutely does not feel the same. But that's okay, she knows love is all about giving, and she also knows she shouldn't expect anything in return from this man. So she will give, and continue to give, and even if he never returns her sentiments, she will stay happy. Because seeing him content already makes her feel so whole. A fact she hopes doesn't change.

There is an audible sigh, and she glances at him with a small smile upon her lips. As if he senses her gaze, he returns it carefully, acting like he doesn't really want to look her in the eye. "Um..." she hears him say, and she can't help it when she laughs. She can see he's embarrassed now that the passion is no longer clouding their senses. And he is also somewhat surprised by her sudden outburst of laughter.

She rolls onto her side and her hand hesitantly comes to rest on his arm, "Do you regret it yet?" he asks.

She's startled by the question, why would he think that? Well, he doesn't know of her revelation just now, so she can't blame him for asking. "Did you think I would?" she asks back.

He looks back up at the ceiling, "I don't know." he murmurs, and she feels strange seeing him like that. He doesn't have his mask of casual indifference anymore. Although he's still stoic, he looks almost boyish with his contemplative, almost fearful expression. She props herself up on one arm and runs a finger up his arm, smiling when he shivers and mischievously drawing slow, sensual circles on his chest.

"Well I _don't_." she answers, "I don't regret it." she lowers her face to his to deliver a soft kiss to his forehead, and he shuffles under her touch. She is pretty good at reading people, and she can tell he's not very comfortable with touch unless it's in the heat of the moment. A devious thought in the back of her head says she's going to change that. Though, she has to know first: "Levi?"

His gaze drifts back to her, and he hums in wait of her question.

"What...what are we?" she asks.

His brows furrow, as if he isn't entirely sure himself. "We're teammates first. Then..." he pauses, gauging his next words carefully, "...I guess friends." he shrugs.

Her shoulders droop only slightly, and she hopes he doesn't see her crestfallen expression. "Friends with _benefits?_ " she says in what she hopes sounds like a playful scoff as she looks away. She can't look at him for a moment while she composes her trembling lip and glistening eyes. She doesn't want to be just friends, especially not just friends with benefits.

He purses his lip out of her range of vision, "If you see it that way, I suppose, yes. We're not lovers, or _in love_...per se. But I don't think so, because I don't really see you as just a friend." he corrects. "Especially now."

She discreetly wipes an unbidden tear from her previous statement away, and turns to face him with a smile, "More than friends, but not exactly a couple...in between." she clarifies, and he nods. She sighs and hesitantly nestles her head in the crook of his arm. "I think I should go now." she says.

He shuffles again. "You can stay if you want, but if you want to go I won't keep you." despite his words, he's holding her there, a thumb stroking her shoulder, and she contemplates her options relatively hard before she speaks.

"Okay." she murmurs, pulling the blanket up with her toes. "I don't have clean clothes anyway..."

He scoffs, "How would that prevent you leaving?"

She smirks, "It just does, go to sleep, Shorty." she says as she drapes the blanket over his chest and rests her palm against the chiseled skin.

She can hear the teasing lilt in his voice for once as he whispers: "Oi, fuck you, Shitty-Glasses."

She pretends not to hear, but her inevitable comeback can't be helped, "You already did." she says, smiling when she hears him scoff again.

•

•

She never had the courage to ask before, but apparently he _was_ as new to bedroom activities as she. His only experiences were of one experimental relationship during his teen years. And he most-honestly informed her that it didn't go any farther than simple snogging.

That made her feel good, knowing they were each other's firsts. And that they'd probably be one another's lasts as well. If life didn't pull some cruel twist of fate on them. She also knows going on missions is always dangerous. But neither of them are willing to give up the fight for humanity's survival in favor of ensuring their own. A fact that makes her feel purposeful, yet sad every time they go out on those horses.

She fears one day it will be only one of them coming back, and from how reckless she usually is, she figures it will be him who lives on if something happens. Granted, he's not immortal, but he is vigilant and practically untouchable. That makes her wonder how she would cope without him, if he ever did somehow make a mistake. Though she knows he's not one for making mistakes, he never has been.

Since that thought crossed her mind she has resolved to be more careful, despite how excited she gets around those fascinating Titans. It's easier now with Eren around, after all, it's like she always has a Titan at her disposal so she doesn't need to freak out or have a bout of crazed giggling every time she sees a normal Titan. She's certain Levi is grateful for that. She remembers how angry he always gets when she nearly gets herself killed. Granted, she's more careful than she appears, but she still has had many close calls.

She stiffens momentarily at the sudden weight of someone leaning on her shoulders, but she relaxes as his familiar scent reaches her nose. He's freshly showered, and he smells fantastic, a mix between rain and his indescribable, tantalizing _Levi scent_ that only he seems to possess. "What are you thinking about?" he whispers against her ear, and she shudders when she feels droplets of water from his still-wet hair splatter against her skin.

She smiles and hugs his arms to her chest, "Nothing, just remembering things." she replies, biting her lip at some of the more lecherous things she has been recalling.

"Like what?"

Oh, she should have seen that coming, and she hears that husky grating his voice has adopted. He can obviously tell she wasn't thinking of innocent pastimes, and she feels her skin warm under that suddenly adventurous hand of his. "You remember when you first told me you had a crush on me?" she teases.

"' _Admired_ '...that was the word I used." he corrects, his lips meeting the juncture of her jaw and slim neckline.

She tilts her head to the side and nods, "I was thinking of stuff like that."

He hums, "I see..." his voice almost sounds like a growl, and the sound sends warm heat to her belly. "And...do you want to make more memories to look back on?" he asks.

She feels her lips part in a huff as his fingers burrow beneath her shirt. Of course he's after _that_ , and that's not to say she's not excited at the prospect. Despite their constant intimate exploration these past years, they've both been certain not to make the bedroom a dull place. And she knows it will stay that way, so she welcomes his initiation without hesitation. "You bet."

•

•

 **A.N. Okie, this was not planned at all, lol. I just started writing and I made yet another collection for my next favorite couple besides Eremika. Don't know why I keep giving myself more work, but I do.**

 **Stay tuned, as I may continue with this. Maybe make a part 2 for this particular setting if it's asked for.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I stewed on this sequel chapter for ages, didn't I? Thinking turned out so good but I didn't jump on the chance to make another chapter like I probably should have, lol.**

 **Anywho, from Levi's perspective, and it is CHOCK full of fluff and sex okie? Enjoy.**

•

•

The rain still patters against the window, accompanied by the occasional thunderclaps and the heavy breaths of an exhausted couple. Hanji stands briefly to pull her underwear back on, and takes a brush to her hair as she sits back down on the mattress. Levi eyes her sweaty, glistening back, admiring the soft contours of muscle beneath her skin and the occasional scar that mars it here and there.

He remembers with an amused shake of his head how she got that one jagged, crescent scar that runs under her shoulderblade, curling around and just barely reaching the skin of her breast. Clumsy as she sometimes is, it wasn't surprising to him to hear she tripped over her own gear in the barracks. And those Titan-killing blades left her with a nice little reminder to always watch her step. It was honestly a little funny, _she_ thinks so - at least - she tells the tale to the new recruits when she gets the chance.

She tugs his shirt on, having learned her lesson ages ago about the dangers of skin-on-skin in post-coital cuddling. And he scoots to the side as she climbs back into bed, snuggling into the crook of his arm. Her finger immediately trails unknown designs on his skin, and she leans up to press her lips to his jaw. "No pants tonight?" she teases.

He raises a brow and looks at her, "Can't be bothered." he mutters, rolling onto his side and tugging the blanket over his waist to preserve his modesty, lest someone decide to barge in unexpectedly.

"Fine by me." she snakes her arm around his waist and tugs him into a spooning position. He peers at her over his shoulder in disgruntlement, but gives in quite easily. He's used to her being the big spoon after so many years together. And he sighs as he shamelessly shifts closer. Used to it, as after all, his side of the bed is on the right, and he's always been most comfortable sleeping on his right side. So since he usually faces away from her, she resolved a indeterminate amount of years back to spoon him nearly every night.

Speaking of years past...

His thoughts drift unwittingly back to what she had been saying before he had coaxed her into bed (or more accurately: his pants). And he hums in amusement at the first memory to pop up in his mind.

•

•

For Levi, his interest in Hanji began only a couple years after meeting her. And she was more than receptive when he decided to act on his interests. Although when he first met her he _had_ thought she was a man, she was so tall and flat-chested. As such, he was not attracted in the slightest. But a few squad-mates soon dismissed that notion.

 _"That Hanji sure is something. She's downright_ crazy _sometimes, did you see her jump at that titan? Suicidal." Peter, a very old squad leader, part of his third squad, had been saying that night after dinner._

 _Levi paused, the cloth he had pressed to his blade halting with him, "She?"_

 _Peter turned to him, along with his other three squad mates: Brianne, Jim, and Dominic. "What?" Peter asked._

 _"Did you say_ she? _Hanji?"_

 _"Yeah, why?"_

 _Levi looked at him incredulously, raising a brow._

 _"Oh my God." Brianne burst into laughter, doubling over, and Levi didn't exactly appreciate the action, but he let it slide._

 _Dominic chuckled, "Levi, are you saying that you think Hanji is a guy?"_

 _Levi blinked, embarrassment creeping up on him, but he only showed his usual, dull, careless expression on the outside, "Yes."_

 _All four of them were laughing now, a long, ridiculous fit of laughing that had him glaring in absolute irk, he honestly didn't see what was so funny._

 _Peter wheezed, wiping his eyes and straightening, exhaling exaggeratedly and planting his hands on his hips, "Levi-" he began, stifling a giggle, "-Hanji's a girl."_

He had felt really bad about it. But, of course, he remembers well that he didn't show it, he simply lifted his shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. However, since that day, he couldn't help but let himself notice her more often. It started out as tentative looks, because - after all, even with the knowledge that she is a female - she was filthy and disorganized, far too dirty for his tastes.

But once or twice, a feminine giggle would catch his attention during dinner at the mess hall, and it's source was the one and only Hanji Zoë. The sound soon started to stir something within him. Alongside that, she let her hair loose sometimes when she was outside with the horses. And he denies it to this day: the fact that he stopped more than once to stare at the surprisingly alluring sight. From then on it was a downward spiral.

He'd never admit it aloud, but he didn't bother hiding it from himself, he had a crush.

Of course she noticed eventually, or she just never said anything until that day in the library. And it took everything he had to keep their relationship as simple as it had been from the beginning. Needless to say: it didn't work out so well. But when you walk in on a woman you can't help but admire when she's fresh out of the shower, undressed and slick with steam, it happens.

Especially if you're a clean freak like he is. It was twice the turn on in his case.

One tantalizing taste of her lips had him aching for another, and another, coupled with the feel of her scarred, smoothly sculpted skin. And soon enough he was unabashedly addicted to her, addicted to her lips, her eyes, the way she grins, the way she talks, the way her spine arches when he drags his open-mouthed kisses across her sternum. He became addicted to her mere existence in a sense. And then she asked him to make love to her...

He's never been a highly emotional man, and the fact that she made him want to feel emotions again rocks him to the core. He was as virgin as she most obviously was that night, only having had experience in snogging, but she didn't need to know that. At least not right away. They were both nervous, and that was one of the few comforts of that night.

That's not to say he didn't enjoy it. Far from it, as a matter of fact. It was just a whole new thing about her to become addicted to. Then, afterwards, as they both lay beside one another and caught their breath, and she asked what they were...

He can't deny that he wanted to say lovers right off the bat. But that might have sent the wrong message, so he opted for friends. And she seemed a little short with him following those words.

He realized then, that along with opening a new chapter in their physical relationship, they'd be opening a new chapter in their brand-new emotional relationship as well.

Levi and emotions don't usually go well hand-in-hand.

He was afraid to care about her. If he was honest with himself. The last people he had cared about died, he wasn't there to protect them. And Hanji...she's more reckless than any of the squad members he has ever had. He's seen titan jaws close around the space she occupied only a mere second too late. As of late, it terrifies him. But she just bounces around and cackles and whoops at the beasts before she brings her blades down upon their necks.

She was - and still is - crazy.

Yet, despite his determination not to put words to what he was slowly growing to feel for her, it eventually happened. And after that he willingly let himself sink into the pit he had been trying to keep out of since he first thought she was "-slightly pretty". He'd been trying so hard not to let it happen, that it happened unbidden. His mind taunted him with the fact that he had fallen for her, body and soul.

It nearly happened earlier than when it did, maybe a year after their first tryst. He remembers how his lips formed the first word as she ground her hips against his, rocking to a rhythm he couldn't hear and swathing the length of him in her moist heat. He nearly said it, and it made her pause when his moan of the first of three words made its way past his lips.

He remembers the curious: "What'd you say, Levi?"

He wishes he hadn't lied.

He told her it was nothing, and she continued with a shrug. Since then, he bit those words back every time they came tumbling from his throat. Sometimes during their passionate exchanges, and other times when they were just sitting there, looking up at the stars, or in bed, hesitantly cuddling despite how comfortable they were with one another.

He held them back out of fear, as if saying those three, special words would suddenly allow fate to play its cruel hand and take her from him. And then he _finally_ failed to hold it back.

It was the best night of his life.

•

•

They've been doing this for nearly a couple years now, sneaking off after dinner or between drills to find a secluded corner for a quick shag. Hasty, clumsy unbuckling of belts and popping of buttons so he can buck up into her warmth and bring her to a gasping release against a wall or propped up on a table.

Erwin's caught them once - outside his office, as a matter of fact - and Levi has never, _ever_ been more embarrassed in his entire life. But that's beside the point, because Hanji is _here_ , and she's _warm_ and she's _soft._ Her body writhing against his, quiet moans spilling forth from her mouth, and the swell of her ass tucked _perfectly_ against him.

He rhythmically rocks his hips, trailing his lips up the expanse of her spine as far as he can reach, just under her shoulderblades, before trailing them back down and biting gently at her skin. She gasps at the sensation, and he grunts as she bucks backwards into him. All the while his roaming hands brush against her breasts and her stomach.

"Levi... _ah!"_ she tosses her head back, one of her shaking arms comes up with it to reach for him. But she's unable to reach him, so she brings it back down and buries her face in the pillow. He thrusts once more against her before he pulls out with a sigh. He needs to kiss her, to hold her, to feel her breath against his ear, to see her face when she cums.

She gets the message immediately, dropping her hips and rolling seamlessly onto her back with her legs spread in wait of him. The mattress dips and he nearly loses his balance, eliciting snickers of almost drunken delight from her. He retaliates by covering her body with his own and capturing her lips. And he presses his length back into the swathing warmth between her legs yet again. She hums, snaking her tongue into his mouth. Moaning when he slips a finger into her slick folds to fondle the bundle of sensitive nerves there and help her along.

She digs into the plane of his back with her short, slightly jagged nails, making him hiss at the added sparks of pain to the unadulterated pleasure of their joining. He breaks away from her intoxicating mouth to press his forehead against her collarbone, a grunt hissing past his teeth when her walls convulse around him. Her spine arches off the mattress, and the sweet, erect buds of her breasts brush lightly against his chest.

He speeds his pace.

He loves this, he loves _everything_ about it. He loves the way her skin sheens with sweat (a phrase he will never utter to a single soul), loves the way she gasps and whines, body rolling up to meet his thrusting hips. He loves the way she looks when she hits her breaking point, mouth opening into a soft O and body jerking lightly, a soft moan, accompanied by her eyes screwing shut in pleasure. He loves that soft contentment when she opens her brown, chocolate-y eyes.

He loves _her._

And the wave of pleasure from his own release is enough to coax those words from his lips.

" _God_ I love you."

She goes completely still, breath controlled and her eyes trained onto his face. His skin is burning with the intensity of her stare.

' _Shit.'_

 _'Shit, shit...shit!'_

"What?" she breathes, voice shuddering.

He releases the breath he didn't realize he was holding in, and it comes out as a strangled, panicked noise that he never realized he could make. "Nothing, I didn't _say_ anything." he finally meets her gaze in the hopes that she'll be convinced if he looks at her.

But alas, she's too smart, he can see it in her eyes. She blinks, twisting under him as she frowns, "Levi, what did you _say?"_ she grips his shoulders when he tries to pull away, and despite his obvious upper hand in the department of muscle, he can't bring himself to try anymore than what he already has. She will make him tell her either way.

"I don't...I didn't say anything." he repeats, but she sees through his lie easily.

"Tell me."

"Hanji, I swear-"

She sits up, flipping their positions and making him grunt when she clenches around his flaccid length with the movement. _"Tell me."_

"No."

"Levi, I swear I will fucking _murder_ you."

"I'd like to see you try."

"You know I could, and I would. Tell. Me. _Now."_ she hisses, grabbing his chin and turning his stubborn face to look at her. "Levi, if you don't tell me I'm not letting you fuck me for a _month."_ she warns.

He raises a brow, a cocky smirk tugging at his lips. She almost always instigates sex, and he knows she'll go just as insane as he would without it. "That's a hollow threat, and you know it." he retorts, shuffling under her.

She leans closer to his lips, rocking her hips when he starts to harden and throb inside her again. "Try me." she murmurs, taking his bottom lip between her teeth and nipping at the swollen skin. "Now...tell me." she murmurs against his neck, latching onto his collarbone and sucking hard enough to be almost painful. He grunts when she gives a particularly tantalizing thrust of her hips. "Or else."

He bites his lip to muffle his moan, and then the reminder that she just bit him in the same place makes him twitch inside her. She feels it, he can tell by the smile that she presses into his neck. And she speeds her movements, pulling a reluctant, strangled gasp from his vocal chords. Her fingers trail down his sides, making him shiver and twist under her, and she gently drags her teeth over the fresh, puckering mark she's just left on his neck.

And then...she pulls away.

She pulls away _completely,_ stepping off the bed and picking up her clothes. He gasps, not entirely believing what she's just done. He stares at the ceiling for a solid ten seconds before he comes to his senses. "F-fuck...fuck...Hanji?" he sits up, trying to ignore the painful throb of the stifled release she's left him with.

"Hmm?" she wriggles her hips as she pulls her woolen undergarments on, and the sight of his seed (or her arousal) sliding down her inner thigh in a perfect little droplet makes him groan again and flop back against the pillow.

"Hanji!" he is ashamed of the whine, but he can barely move cause of her blueballing him...and she is leaving, and...shit! "Please just...oh, fuck!" he hisses again as he moves, "Hanji... _wait."_

She grabs the doorknob, turning to smile sweetly as she turns it as slowly as she dares. _"Hmmmm?"_ she drawls, turning back to the door and making the knob click open.

"Fuck you. _Ah!_ Fuck you, Hanji..." he curses under his breath, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress, "I fucking love you! Okay? Can you please just come back here?"

She pauses, letting go of the doorknob and leaving her hand to hover there while she turns to look over her shoulder once more, "Say it again."

He palms his face, "Can you come here first?" he gestures to himself and gives her a pained, pleading expression.

She grins, pulling her pants and underwear down with one fluid movement. She re-locks the door, walking over and letting him tug her hips closer so he can bury his face against the toned skin of her clothed stomach, his hands kneading softly at her thighs. He lifts her shirt and kisses the skin he reveals, sighing and pulling her even closer. "You still need to say it again." she coaxes, and he nods against her skin. She allows him to pull her back into bed, and he lays her against the pillow, kissing her neck lazily.

"I love you..." he murmurs in a gasp against her neck as he fills her with his throbbing length again.

"You sure?" she huffs out a laugh.

He kisses her, pulling back too quickly for her tastes, and then re-burying his face in her neck, "I love you." he says it with more finality than the last two times, but not as much as he had the first time.

"Levi..." she breathes, lifting her hips up to meet his slow, tantalizing thrusts. She soon hooks her ankles behind his thighs and rolls them over again, smiling tenderly. She kisses him, moving ever so slowly, and he pants, gripping tightly enough onto her hips that he's certain to leave bruises. Though he knows she doesn't mind, she always says something like: _"-means I did a good job._ " or some dumb shit like that.

"You love me?" she questions, and he closes his eyes as her breath fans over his face, brows screwing together in a pleasured groan before he pulls it together long enough to pry his lids open and look her in the eye.

"Yes." he bites his lip, every nerve in his body alight with the fire she's feeding every time she moves.

"Well...in _that_ case-" she pants, grasping both his hands and interlacing their fingers together, smiling softly as she leans forward to kiss him. He bucks up into her erratically, and she stills for him when he chokes on his breath and spills for the final time that night. "-I love you _too."_ she presses her forehead to his as he shudders and relaxes beneath her.

She pulls off of him and wipes her bangs from her sweaty forehead. All the while he catches his breath and watches her, not moving from the position she left him in. She gets a cloth and cleans herself, of which he keeps plenty around because he knows how much she hates having sticky thighs. And she slips his loose shirt on before she returns to bed, making the mattress dip and lurch as she nudges his side and coaxes him into moving.

"You know-"

"You didn't finish." he interrupts, voice shaky despite the control he's managed to retake in the past minute or so. And she sighs with a smile as he tugs her closer by her hips, caressing her arm and sliding his hand down the curves of her stomach. But he stops when she grabs his wandering hand and brings it to her lips, kissing his knuckles and reaching out to stroke his cheek with her other hand. "You can take care of _that_ in the morning." she murmurs.

He slumps, honestly a little relieved, usually he only needs one round with her. But he's got to count their early morning romp that day, and along with the two just now: he's _exhausted._ "Okay." he pulls her in anyways, pressing his forehead against her clothed sternum and gently kissing her there.

"I was going to say-" she begins, and he swipes his thumb around in a circle on her hip to let her know he's listening. "-I've been waiting for you to say that."

He hums, leaning into her hand when it threads through his damp, sweaty hair. "I wanted to for a while." he murmurs in reply.

She gently grips his hair and turns his face so he'll look at her, "Why _didn't_ you?"

He blinks, uncertain if he's ready to answer a question like that. And she sags when she sees that he's not going to answer tonight. "I've had a little too much emotions for one night, Hanji...I'll tell you when I feel I can." he says with finality, and she sighs as he rolls onto his opposite side.

"Goodnight, I suppose." she breathes against his neck, he shivers at the warmth of her breath, and he looks over his shoulder incredulously when she tugs him into her.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

She pulls him closer, throwing a leg over his, "It's called spooning, Short-stack."

He deadpans, though his irritation towards the nickname has been somewhat lacking as of late. Since they've begun their coital adventures, as a matter of fact. "Whatever, Shitty-glasses." he retorts.

" _And_ he's back!" she chuckles, yelping briefly and dissolving into more laughter when he whacks her arm.

•

•

He can't deny that night was embarrassing as it was fruitful, and to this day it's one of his fondest memories. Besides when he walked in on her in the bathroom for the first time, the look on her face will always be engraved into his memory. And that one time they got stuck out in the rain. That was a very fond memory as well. He's not sure why for a moment, but then he remembers that it was the day he opened up entirely to her.

She had already opened up to him, over the course of the next expedition. Of which was inbetween the two events. She lost her squad, for the fourth, maybe fifth time. Lots of tears and choked confessions of her fears were involved. But he prefers not to dwell on that memory too much.

It was maybe a month after the "I love you" incident when they got caught out in the rain. Hanji had somehow managed to convince him to join her on a little science trip. He never would have gone, had anyone else asked him. But this was Hanji, he would follow her into hell...

Well, actually...no he _wouldn't_ , because it is dirty and sooty and supposedly stinks of sulfur.

He'd follow her into rain though. Rain is okay, it smells nice, it makes the dirt and grass smell of earth and dew. The only downside is mud, and that one, terrible memory he rarely delves into that rain holds a significant role in. Although most of the time she's enough to distract him from that.

•

•

They really should have gone back the moment he spotted those clouds. But _NO!_ Hanji was determined to find this (apparently) _"super important herb"_ before the day was out. Okay, that might not have been her exact phrasing, but what can you do? It's not as if Levi could be expected to remember all those crazy Latin names she throws around.

Despite how much he loves her, there are still the sides of Hanji that bring him great irritation. Like now, when they are soaked and miserable and just walking in what she swears up and down is the direction of headquarters. But he knows she has absolutely no idea where they are, or which way they should be going. The rain is too thick to tell which direction is which.

"Hanji-"

"For the _last time!"_ she exclaims, "This is the right way, I marked it!" she twists in her saddle, her glasses fogged over and her hood giving way to the water.

He raises an unimpressed brow, taking in the atmosphere, their horses are two steps from exhaustion, they've been walking so long, and he's sick and tired of riding. The castle was only twenty minutes behind when they got caught in the storm. Obviously they are walking in the wrong direction. But he won't pester her. Even though she never even found that plant, whatever it's called, or did she? He doesn't know.

"Did we find what we were looking for?"

She holds out a jar that he can barely see into and grins, "Yep!"

He rolls his eyes, okay so she _did_ find it. Big deal, it doesn't change the fact that they're stuck out here until the rain lets up. And judging by the sky: that won't be for hours, or tomorrow, whichever. He spots a large, dark shape looming up ahead, and he kicks his heels into his horse's flanks as encouragement to speed up. "Over here, Hanji." he calls, heaving a sigh of relief at seeing the shape turn out to be an old abandoned windmill.

The building is overrun with vines and shrubbery on the outside, but he finds the door to be operational when he dismounts and tries at the rusted handle. And the inside is dry, absolutely perfect, at least something is going right today. He tugs the reins when his horse hesitates at the entrance, coaxing him inside and setting about removing the stallion's attire.

"Oh, lovely." he glances at Hanji at the sound of her voice. She looks around and pats her horse, copying his actions and following his lead when he stoops down for a handful of hay to rub the wet coat of his horse down with.

"It'll be better when we get dry...but we can't start a fire with all the hay in here." he looks at the floor with a contemplative scowl.

She moves to shut the door behind them, bathing the rotund room in darkness. "There's a second floor." she gestures up to where light streams down through a square in the ceiling. A short ladder leads up to the second floor through the square in the wood, obviously having used to have a hatch there.

He grabs his saddlebags, hoisting them over his shoulder and giving his horse's muzzle a parting pat. They leave the two equines to eat the hay and enjoy the dry room while he and Hanji climb to the second floor. "It's... _better_. No fireplace, unfortunately." he sighs, shrugging off his soaked, standard issue cloak and following suit with his black jacket.

"At least there are some windows." he turns to her as she speaks, "There's light, and I think there's a mattress over there. Might be old and moldy. But worst case scenario we can just use our bedrolls to sleep on."

He pauses in the process of unpacking the lunch from his saddlebag. "You brought your _bedroll?"_ he turns to ask incredulously.

She blinks, "You _didn't?"_

He groans and sits, "I thought this was going to be a quick trip, Hanji. Just there and back in an hour or two. I wasn't planning on camping out in a fucking _windmill_ cause a storm snuck up on us."

She chuckles, "I always prepare more than I need to, I suppose. I didn't really think about it." she drops her cloak to the floor and goes to inspect the mattress she spotted.

He watches, legs folded in and elbows propped on his thighs, as she pokes and prods at the mattress before supposedly deeming it seemly. She sits and bounces, testing it, "Seems clean enough, I don't know if it's good enough for you, I'll take the bedroll if it is." she says, swiping her hand over the fabric and inspecting it for dirt and dust.

"Or we could share." he murmurs, and she glances up in surprise, "Not like we haven't before." he adds in a smug smirk.

She blushes, and he logs that sight away in his memory, especially the way she tucks her bags behind her ear and crosses her arms under her breasts. "Yeah, I suppose so." she smiles softly.

He glances at the jar with the plant she had apparently hunted down before the rain started. "Say, what exactly were we after today? Met Pluggum or something?" he says, failing horribly to remember the name she had ranted of that morning.

 _"Mentha Pelugium."_ she laughs heartily as she corrects him.

"Right, whatever." he sighs, wiping the water from his forehead, "What's it for?"

She goes silent, twisting a strand of her hair between her fingers and hugging her arm to her chest with her opposite hand. "Umm..." she murmurs, "The common name is _Pennyroyal."_ she says pointedly, as if he's supposed to understand immediately what it's for.

And she's right to. He does, and he doesn't make much of it. "Oh." he says, glancing briefly at the floor, and then back to her, "For the women in the Corps?"

"For _me."_ she says, biting her lip and twiddling her fingers together.

He stiffens and glances at the plant, "Why? Are you-"

 _"No!"_ she exclaims with a nervous laugh and wide eyes, holding her hands up in assurance, "No, I mean, we're always so careful...except for last month." she trails off, "I _thought_ I was, my monthly was late this time...but it started, and it ended a few days ago." she explains, having moved her hands back to her lap.

He nods, the brief...excitement? Maybe _terror_ , of possible fatherhood has left his heart pounding loudly. "So, why do you need Pennyroyal, then?" he prods.

She shrugs, and he realizes she's shaking just slightly, "I was scared... _terrified."_ she says for starters, and he nods in agreement, the prospect alone is scary. "When it comes to Titans and my research...I don't know, it's important. Our work makes a difference, no matter how little, and if I were pregnant, I couldn't contribute." she sighs. "It's not as if a family isn't tempting, especially with _you."_

He feels his breath hitch at that, "Hanji-"

"But we can't afford to think about kids right now, not when humanity's needs outweigh our own wants." she continues.

"Hanji..." he says louder, catching her attention.

"Yeah?"

"Remember when you asked me why I waited? Waited to tell you I loved you?" he asks, gaze fixed on her glossy, dark brown eyes.

"Yes." she turns to face him fully, face full of tentative curiosity.

He scrapes his hair back and runs that same hand down his face, "I was scared too." he admits, "I was scared that once I finally admitted it to you, to myself, that I'd end up losing you just the same as I lost everyone else: Farlan, Isabel... _my mother_...so many squads I've honestly lost count." he scoffs.

"Levi-" she smiles.

"I didn't though. I didn't lose you. And I haven't yet...but I know that anytime we go out there, you could get too reckless and get killed." he slouches. "I'm glad I told you when I did, cause what if I had gone without telling you? What if you died and I _never_ got the chance to say how much you mean to me?"

"Levi..." she breathes the name, barely able to speak.

"I'm not much for words, you know that-" he continues, certain that if he stops now then he'll never finish, "-but what I'm trying to say is: we shouldn't put things off until things get better." he pauses, looking at the jar of Pennyroyal, and then back at her, "Do you _want_ a baby?"

She bites her lip, "Not yet." she answers quickly, that's a fact she was already sure of. "That's why I got the Pennyroyal."

He blinks stoically, "Are you sure?"

Hanji chuckles, "We're still young, Levi."

He stands, wiping his wet hair from his face again, "We won't be young _forever."_

"I know that." she looks back down at her lap.

"I'm not against it." he supplies.

She scoffs with a smile, "I know you aren't. And I'm glad of it, but I know for sure that I'm not ready for family yet." He nods, tugging his soaked shirt from his body. They hadn't equipped their 3DMG today, as it was a day off. A fact he's glad for, as it shaves minutes off the time it takes to undress. "It's not as if I'll _never_ be, especially if you're up for it. But like I said, while humanity needs us, and while I can contribute wholeheartedly, I want to...why are you stripping?"

He smirks, having just kicked his boots off, and is currently unbuckling his pants. "Why do you think?" he says pointedly, stepping closer and sitting on the mattress beside her.

"Didn't I just tell you-"

"It's not about that." he cuts her off with an uncharacteristically lighthearted chuckle, "I told you I'm not good with words..."

She nods, covering his hand with her own as he starts to work on the buttons of her shirt, "Many times." He pushes the cloth down her arms, kissing her as he leans into reach. "So what _is_ itabout?" she murmurs against his lips when he pulls back.

"Hanji..." he sighs, "You need to stop talking, too many emotions." he sighs, trailing his mouth down the column of her neck and popping the button of her trousers with one hand.

"I _can't_ stop talking." she says, falling back with a soft grunt as he pushes against her. "You said yourself once, remember? Apparently I have this insatiable need to chatter until your ears fall o- _mmmph!"_

He cuts her off with a kiss, slipping his hand down the front of her pants and into the hidden warmth that resides there. She huffs into his mouth, and he shifts to give her room to kick her shoes off, "It's cold, there's your reason." he says as he helps her shimmy out of her pants, undergarments and all.

"Mmm..." she hums low, voice husky with want and need. He sits back on his haunches, lifting her leg up into his shoulder and pressing a kiss to the side of her knee. Then he trails down the inside of her thigh, tongue darting out to make her gasp in the spots he knows she likes. There's that one soft spot just beyond her knee, and then the thin scar midway down her thigh, and as of late, the hickey he left on the smooth skin _just_ beside the thatch of dark curls between her thighs.

He sucks lightly at the healing ring of color, pulling a soft moan from her lips. Now he moves his lips to her wetness and trails his tongue through it in one long, languid stroke that coaxes a choked, primal moan from her. Her hand reaches down to fist in his hair when he slips two fingers into her folds and circles his tongue on her clit.

"Shit... _ah!"_ she gasps, and the words send a pulse of arousal coursing down his spine. His blood rushes south with it, and he hums as he starts to throb with need. "Fuck... _Levi..."_ she moans as he adds a third finger and sucks lightly. Her hips jerk against his face, silently begging for more friction, and he pulls away. _"Levi!"_ she whines.

"Take that off." he gestures to her bra while he gets to his knees and pulls his pants down eagerly.

"Yes _Captain."_ she mocks, sitting up to pull the garment over her head.

He's over her in an instant, "How do you want this?" he asks, holding his weight up with one arm while he toys with her breast using the other.

She bites her lip, "You've never really asked before." she breathes, and he's about to say something, but she smiles warmly, and he forgets what he was going to say. She pulls her glasses off, gently setting them down on the floor beside the thin mattress before she rolls onto her belly beneath him. "Like this." she murmurs, lifting her hips only just enough to press back into his arousal and make his breath hitch.

He kisses her shoulder, aligning before he slips into her, and he stays there. She hums as he reaches under her to grasp one breast, and his lips graze her ear, his breath fanning over the side of her face and ruffling her bangs. He can't see her expression, but his mind's eye conjures that look of contentment he's seen so many times before, eyes shut in bliss and lips curved in a soft smile.

"I love you." he whispers.

"Then _show me."_ she challenges, and silence descends for a beat while he pulls back, "It's starting to get cold." she adds.

He can hear the smile in her voice, and he thrusts forward hard enough to make her gasp. Just the way they both like it. He hears her nails scrambling for purchase in the mattress, unfortunately devoid of a pillow her to grab instead. She moans and presses her face against the cloth when he sets a rhythm.

For a time, at least a minute, there is only the occasional clap of thunder. The hard pattering of icy rain against the thatched roof above them. Her soft moans and cries, unrestrained and primal. His breath, inhaling sharply and exhaling two times as much, hitching every so often when her walls clench around him with her impending climax on its way.

"Is it warm _now?"_ he murmurs against her neck, her body low enough to the soft surface they're on for him to reach up to there.

"Yeah..." she breathes, "Levi, _don't_ go slow." she pleads.

He hums and kisses her sweating skin, licking a bead of salty moisture away and thrusting his hips harder against her own. "Patience."

"Oh fuck... _ah!"_ she cries out, rocking her hips back into him. He's unsure if it's his voice or his increase of speed that caused her outburst, but her cry elicits a sharp throb of his length, and that warns him of his soon-impending release.

"Close, Hanji?" he asks in a hoarse groan, pressing his forehead to her spine.

"Yes...yes...a-ah _shit_..." she moans, and he takes that as his cue to reach between her legs, rubbing swift circles there. "Ah!" she gasps, and he grunts as her walls convulse around him and hold him in place.

He moves as soon as he's able, two, three... _five_ more thrusts and he's following her over the edge. She bucks up against him, helping him hilt and clenching her lower muscles around him purposefully. At least he thinks it's on purpose. Nonetheless she milks him of all he's worth, and he sighs heavily as he pulls out to lay beside her.

He feels bare when she opens her sated eyes, smiling as warmly as he's ever seen from her, and moving forward to kiss him. He's completely naked before her now. He's been like this before: physically. This is the first time mentally, and he hopes she is feeling this too, because that's not fair if she's not. She gets to her knees and clenches her thighs together, "Nothing to...ugh." she mumbles, reaching for her underwear and standing to slip it on.

He sits up and grabs his pants, pulling them on while she fetches the bedroll she packed. "I'll help you brew that Pennyroyal tomorrow. When we get back." he supplies, tugging her close and the blanket over their shoulders. They lie face-to-face, a rare event, as their preferred sleeping positions rarely allow it.

"Okay." she whispers, throwing a leg over his and nuzzling into the hand he touches to her cheek. "I love you too, by the way." she adds before she lets herself drift off. And he stays awake long afterwards, counting all the reasons he's lucky to have her in his sad, miserable life.

"I know that."

•

•

She's a snorer.

He sighs as he breaks out of his reminiscing stupor. She isn't loud, granted, but it's enough to interrupt his pleasant train of thought. Not that he really minds, it's getting late, and he needs to be up tomorrow. Rain makes everything humid and damp, and he's got to clean everything again so they don't get mold in the castle like last year.

He interlocks his fingers with hers, smiling secretly to himself as he shuffles closer to her. He really is the luckiest man alive to have her. Despite her quirks and their strange, backwards relationship, they've really gotten along well over the years.

Backwards in the manner that they started out physically, rather than emotionally. They started out with walls and locks and barred doors, skipping past all the usual shit most couples pick at least a little bit before they move on. And they saved those for later, developing trust and patience before they unlocked the doors and broke down the mental walls.

They have become rocks for one another. Someone you can always count on to be there when you briefly lose the mask that the Survey Corps makes you build and break down. She's needed him for it more often than he has needed her, but the difference is still the same.

And he wouldn't change a _thing._

•

•

 **A.N.**

 **I dunno, seemed good to end it there.**


End file.
